LAFFinitions

Today's word:

• asinine

Meaning:

• The phone message you leave your bookie, picking the obnoxious boxer to win the upcoming bout in just under ten rounds.

Size Matters...

But, what if I have a small fireplace?

—jc

Alpaca Llama Ding-Dong

So today I hear an ad on the radio for some alpaca farm, and think to myself "What are alpacas good for except selling to other would-be alpaca ranchers?" 

Then I came up with this list:

• alpaca-flavored gum

• junkyard guard alpacas

• alpaca-flavored vodka

• alpaca blind-dating service

• McAlpaca burgers

• next president of Syria

• Marie Callender's deep-dish alpaca pot pie

• successor-in-waiting to Kim Jong Un: Kim Pu Alpaca

• next up on FOX: 

      So You Think You Can Be An Alpaca Idol With A Voice

Now if I only had a mindless, wealthy investor...

Let the inmates run the asylum

(editorial headline from this week's Amherst Bee)

And while we're at it, maybe Mark David Chapman and John Hinckley, Jr. should have seats on the parole board; and how about putting Howard Stern in charge of the FCC, and electing Rush Limbaugh president of NOW.

Beam me up, Scotty

As I came across this classified ad in today's Tonawanda News, a Tower of Power song came on my iPod. Is that some kind of a sign or what? Maybe I'll take them to my next bloggers support group meeting.

The ad failed to mention a price, but I'm sure they're a real steel.

The obesitzing of America

What a great idea — a cupcake vending machine (only $4 each!). I'm picturing this Beverly Hills cupcake shop as being between a dentist's office and the local Weight Watcher's location. Three more machines are planned to "roll out" this summer in NYC.

The next vending machine craze? Defibrillators to go.

The Day the Music Dyed

Seems that Baillie, writing for this week's edition of NCCC's school paper The Spirit, finally got that 51" HD flat screen television hooked up, and saw a close-up of American Idol judge Steven Tyler (a man with remarkably few gray hairs for someone quickly approaching the age of 64).