Ode de Toilet

So I'm in the mens' room at the Tops in Arcade N.Y., washing my hands (even tho' no one was looking!) and I glance up to read the instructions for employees as to when they should wash their hands. Along with the usual was this one:

• AFTER VISITING THE TOILET

Now I've visited Grandma, visited friends, even visited a foreign country or two, but I can't remember ever visiting a toilet!

Intersections I'd Like To See Dept.

... or would I?

If these two streets ever form an intersection,
you'd be advised to keep your teenaged
daughters away from it... far, far away!!

Ads That Leave Me Wanting Dept.

Perhaps this Help Wanted ad in today's Buffalo News might get more responses if somewhere in the description they mention it involves

HUGE TRACTS OF LAND!

Ads That Leave Me Wanting Dept.

I'm certainly no expert when it comes to marbles, but to think that 6,000 of them could be worth $5,000 blows my mind! And anyone who would buy 6,000 marbles (even for the cut-rate price of a mere $2,500) obviously needs them — they must have lost theirs!

LAFFinitions

Today's word:

• propaganda

Meaning:

• A gander, done correctly, in Boston.

Still On the Road Dept.

A V-8 Gremlin! This would be a 1973, judging from the shape of the side stripe. Still lookin' good in Tonawanda, N.Y. just the other day.

Ads That Leave Me Wanting Dept.

I don't know, maybe it's me, but using the words "very small" to describe your lost chihuahua isn't going to set it apart much from the other chihuahuas roaming the streets of Buffalo. That's kind of like describing the bank robber in the Old West as "he was wearing a black hat," or that elusive Goldman Sachs financial expert as "the guy last seen boarding a private jet laughing his ass off!"

LAFFinitions

Today's word:

• catastrophe

Meaning:

• What the second hunter gets to mount on his wall when his partner, with whom he shot the same lion, gets the head.